tattoos

i have been thinking a lot about this, and i really want a tattoo. i've been scouring the internet for ideas (since i definitely do not have the capabilities to draw my own) and these are a few i'm throwing around. i'm leaning more toward the last one. i had the idea for it awhile ago on my own, and then i saw a few pictures of people with it in cooler ways than i imagined and now i'm leaning toward that, i think.

this one i would scale down and put on my foot, crawling up my ankle.

this is probably one i wouldn't go through with, but i love it anyway.

probably either in this exact spot, or on my wrist.

Self-Actualization and Maslow's Heirarchy

Lots of weird/unsettling dreams lately, coupled with my cabin fever from all the snow we've gotten in the past few weeks, have given me a lot to think about. Michallynn made a list on her blog of all the things she wants to do to improve her life, and that inspired me to do the same thing (thanks Michallynn). Plus I find that if I make lists, I am more inclined to try and cross things off of that list because it is made into something concrete.

Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs is a theory that says there are tiers of needs from the most basic to the most complex. As humans, we strive to meet each tier of these needs in one form or another or else we are not satisfied; in fact, we become anxious and tense. The most basic level are needs like food, water, and shelter. The highest level is self-actualization - the path to realizing one's full potential. This is my list to achieve self-actualization, written to myself. It is not comprehensive right now, but I might come back and add to it from time to time.

• slow down! stop rushing.
  
• seriously work on controlling road rage
  
• stop sacrificing yourself and your desires to try and please others
• remember to take a multi-vitamin every day
• continue working out three to four times a week, but don't beat yourself up if you get busy and can't make it to the gym one day.
• continue striving to eat healthy, but don't beat yourself up if you want a candy bar sometimes.
• have a better attitude about class and classwork
  
• take ten minutes out of each day to do something you really enjoy (listen to music, read a book for fun that is NOT school work, do a crossword puzzle)
  
• make actual phonecalls to friends instead of just texting
• make more plans for weekend trips or shows with friends so there are things to look forward to
• stop scaring yourself about how hard student teaching might be and get excited about it instead
• relinquish control of other people's actions. You can only control your choices.
• stop worrying so much about the unknown future
• say yes to more things, even if it's unfamiliar or scary
• stop putting pressure on yourself to meet the love of your life
  
• be more comfortable being alone
• stop trusting people so quickly. Make them prove themselves first.

This is a pretty hefty list. Maybe if I have this to refer back to from time to time, to bring me back down, I can dilligently start working on all of these things.

This weekend, I am home in Wilkes-Barre. The last time I was here was for Christmas, and there was a lot of weird stuff going on at home. Also, I was dating a guy in Philly at the time whom I couldn't wait to get back and see. Therefore, I didn't get to relax and appreciate being home. Now, I'm not clouded with any of the previous stuff, so I decided to take a small break and get out of Philly. It feels amazing to be home.

Time to go shopping with mom.

Snowpocalypse

That's what they're calling the mountains of snow we've gotten in the past four days. Over the weekend, the sky poured down 28.5 inches of snow upon Philadelphia. Two days later - yes, TWO - it has been snowing since last night and expected to reach another 12-22 inches. Plus there is ice and crazy winds in the mix this time around.

Now normally, I would relish a day off from work and school. But I extinguished all of my awesome snowed-in ideas over this past weekend during that storm. I'm caught up on my all my homework so I have nothing productive to do with myself. Also, they're saying that windspeeds could get so high, we may lose power. And tomorrow? Who knows what it's going to look like, and I'm probably going to have to venture out in the snow and ice to make it to work and maybe even class tomorrow night. Driving in this weather obviously scares the hell out of me. Le sigh.

Can't wait to get to Wilkes-Barre this weekend and escape the shoveling and fighting for a parking spot. They're supposed to be getting a foot of snow themselves, but that's actually a break compared to here. Who thought that would ever happen?

vicky cristina barcelona

if i had one ounce of the sexuality and confidence penelope cruz has, i would be a happy woman.

my heart like a kickdrum

today is pajama day at work. one of the many reasons why my job is awesome.

for about a month, i've been experiencing a rough patch, but i think i'm finally starting to come out on the other side. it took awhile for me to come to peace with some of the things that have been going on with me. honestly, obtaining peace in my life is a daily struggle for me. but i'm working on it. allowing myself to separate emotion from rationality is a tough thing for me, but i'm working on that too. i'm regaining my equilibrium, and it feels damn good.

going home this weekend for halloween, the first time in a little over two months. for some reason, it feels longer. i can't wait to see my family and go crazy with some of my favorite people in the world. i think this weekend will satisfy what i've been needing lately.

other things?
- studying for the praxis II elementary ed content knowledge test every free moment i get
- new york times crossword puzzles
- too much candy corn
- avett brothers (new album is incredible), hezekiah jones (amazing philly folk band), and dr. dog. i have seen all of the above in the past two months and have been blown away by all performances, particularly the avetts.
- lusting after these boots for about a year now. it's probably time i just buy them already.

i haven't had the time or energy to write about my togo trip. i'm still processing it, i think. trying to figure out how to apply the things i saw to my life here. will get back to you on that.

feeling weird lately. fall always makes me happy but nostalgic. i still wish i were starting another year at king's as pathetic as that might sound. i've settled nicely into my life here but there are still times when i miss everything. the start of a new school year is one of those times. and kevin is leaving to do something awesome but i'll definitely miss him for the next year. i feel like i need to reconnect with some people because lately i've spent a lot of time and energy on new ones. time to start setting out to do that, i think.

if it weren't so late i might attempt to write something about togo. however, i need to go to sleep. i don't feel well, either. i'll come back to this later.

things i like lately:
- curb your enthusiasm
- acoustic music
- stoneyfield yogurt with banana
- free hair products
- moving into a new house and bedroom in a little over a week and the opportunity to decorate

fifteen days

my thoughts have been consumed by my africa trip. i have a pile of things in the corner of my room, ready to be packed, and i add little things to it periodically. i think i have about three different lists of things relating to the trip. the excitement and anticipation is almost unbearable at this point... i just want it to be here! fifteen more days, and it will be. it still hasn't fully sunk in, and i don't think it will until i'm on the plane.

i decided to bring my holga in addition to my digital camera. what better place than africa to take her for a testdrive again? incidentally, i found a roll of film already in the holga that i just mailed out for developing yesterday. i can't wait to see what's on it. i know there are pictures from senior year of college. the only one i can remember taking is of a cherry blossom tree above a bench on campus. do you remember that, drew? we went for a walk or something and i brought it with me. i hope the pictures turn out okay.

last night i flipped between "black in america 2" on cnn (with soleded o'brien) and this documentary called "ten days in africa" about a group of african americans who travel to ghana, senegal, and cote d'ivoire in the span of ten days. for some reason i've been really interested in race relations lately, particularly because of where i'll be finding myself in a few short weeks. i am interested to see what it feels like as a minority in a country for the first time. you can bet i'll be writing pages in my journal while i'm over there and typing them up when i come home.

i have this sense of a big change coming to me.